Posted by: figgymommy | June 3, 2013

Blogging for Our Family

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[Today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day. This is my contribution. Make your own and link it, or read what others have written on Mombian’s master post, here.]

Yesterday, as we watched a video, n said, “that baby has two moms.”

She went on to explain that one mom was called “mommy,” and the other mom was called “jonah.”

It should be noted that the baby has no defined family structure within the video. (In fact, it’s a baby who happens to conduct an orchestra of animals. We’re obviously going for realism in our cinema.)

A few weeks ago, I was informed by self-same child that, at school, they were making a pretend family. “I was the mom. And [friend1] was the other mom. And [friend2] was the baby, and [friend3] was the sister.”

She is at an age, and in a school, where such things as whether you have one mom or two, one dad, or two, one of each, or none at all, doesn’t matter. Sure, there’s the expected amount of language and interactive play, trying to figure out who has what, and what role those people play in the kids’ lives. (Including our being told, more than once, that she would just take her friends’ dads as her own.)

It’s my wish, of course, that her life could always be so easy, and her peers so welcoming. I know that’s not how it will be, that this road won’t always be an easy one, for us or for her.

But I’m thankful that we’re in this time and day, where, for three year olds, at least, it’s no big deal that their friend has two moms.

Because if one mom is great, then two moms ought to be awesome.

Cross-posted at LesbianFamily

Posted by: figgymommy | February 6, 2013



I can’t stop thinking about Boy Genius and his moms.

Yesterday, we’d received our crocodile tattoos in the mail, and n was so excited to put it on and share the picture with her friend who wasn’t feeling well. By the time we got the news, she was in bed.

It’s possible she got the news anyway; she was up every 40 minutes, sobbing and saying various parts of her body hurt, until we finally brought her into our room. Where, for the first time since she was about 6 months old, she actually slept.

I confess that, despite the disruptions and sleeplessness, I felt so lucky to be able to have one night with her; one night where she came back and snuggled like she used to, and we could hold her close.


I remember all too vividly the pain when my brother died; it comes back in the blink of an eye. And it’s not even a hair of what my mother felt. I can’t imagine T & J’s pain as they faced last night, their first of a lifetime without a son who should have outlived them.caemon


Lo these many years in the online blogging community, it has truly been my family. You have all supported and held me up as we faced so many obstacles, and as you faced them, I felt I was there with you. I remember all too well watching as they got pregnant with BG, and following their pregnancy. Being excited when I got pregnant, too, and then finishing out my pregnancy as I watched them care for their new baby. A beautiful boy who brought so much light to the world. It’s beyond unfair that the light should be put out.

All I can hope is that our his moms can feel our love, and know how much they, and their son, are cared for. How strongly we love their Boy Genius, and that we will always remember him.


This blog has been quiet of late. It’ll be quiet a while longer, as I hold him and his family in my thoughts and in my heart.

Posted by: figgymommy | February 5, 2013


For the family at Reproducing Genius, who lost their beautiful boy this morning. My heart has shattered into a million pieces. May they be wrapped in love and strength.

Posted by: figgymommy | December 18, 2012

Craft Exchange!

Now that my delinquent self has gotten her package in the mail (and hoped and hoped that the recipient likes it), I can go ahead and post the AMAZING gift I got!

In addition to a delicious batch of brownies and adorable container of chanukah cookies, I got this:

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I don’t know if you can tell in that third picture, but on the side opposite the christmas tree, there’s the world’s TEENIEST TINIEST menorah. Seriously, people, this is beyond awesome. There’s also a little tea light inside that, sadly, isn’t working at the moment, but I’m going to poke at it and see if I can figure out what’s wrong with it. Because I am utterly in love with this. Thank you so so much to the lovely ladies at Gayby Rabies (who… at some point apparently fell off my blog reader? I am failing so badly at technology lately). Thank you so much for your really thoughtful gift!



Posted by: figgymommy | December 18, 2012


So, n turns 3 (ack!) in one month.

One month exactly.

Her birthday party is in one month and one day.

That’s about all we’ve got. Oh, and a location. We haven’t even sent out invites yet. But, more importantly:

what on earth should we do with a room full of children for an hour or two?

If we could fit them in our house, they’d have all our toys to play with. If we could afford a rental at a gym like last year, they’d have that. But we’re having it in a room with no toys or anything like that. There are art supplies in the building, so between that and n’s *cough*obsessive*cough* enjoyment of art, I thought we’d do an art project. But I’m having trouble thinking of one that finds a happy medium between labor-intensive-several-days-long-project and children-will-be-done-in-two-minutes-after-scribbling-a-circle.

Other ideas: kids make their own pizzas for lunch?

Seriously, I’m at a loss here, people. I am so not a party planner.

Posted by: figgymommy | December 15, 2012

Epic Crafty Fail

You know that moment when, upon having considered your options in regards what to make for your craft exchange, and you think to yourself, “oh! it would be fabulous to do [childhood craft], which was always so much fun, and it would be cute and retro and fabulous!”


That voice leads you only unto despair. And you will be sitting on your bedroom floor at 11:30 pm, cursing at household items, whilst simultaneously feeling crap about what you’re making in comparison to the one you just received from YOUR crafty partner, and well.


The moral of the story is: apparently the parents’ part of those fun childhood crafts was way harder than I gave it credit for.

(also: I received my package this week! And it’s amazing! and I took pictures which I will post soon. They would have gone up already, but our internet crapped out on us this week, and so we spent 2.5 days with severely limited ‘net, which included access to wordpress. may it never leave us again.)

Posted by: figgymommy | December 9, 2012

Protected: Things that make you go “hrm”

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Posted by: figgymommy | December 4, 2012

Let’s not talk about the fungal pneumonia comment

But J just got off the phone with her mother – good times as always.

Her mother is (probably? possibly? maybe?) buying n Bit.ty T.wins for Winter Holidays/Birthday present(s). Now, keeping in mind that she really doesn’t need two more baby dolls, but those are the ones she likes, we talked with her, and she picked out two dolls.


Two boy dolls.

(Because, for the record, apparently the boy outfit is FAR superior to the girl outfit. So sayeth the nearly-three-year-old.)


We have no problem with this. And figured we’d just dress up her new doll as a girl with the other outfits, if that’s what n wants (she seems to like the other girl stuff; it’s just the default outfit to which she is incredibly partial for the boy stuff), and honestly, whatever. Because it can be a boy, or a girl with short hair (have you seen me?), and just – I mean, really. WHATEVER.

(and, honestly, we are more than happy to have the boy doll, and perhaps even veered her that way, because do you know what’s a pain in the ass? long doll hair. that’s a pain in the ass.)

But J’s mother was apparently not so clear-cut on the idea, and wanted to MAKE SURE that we knew we’d sent her a link with two boy dolls, and yes, we were, and yes, we’ll get her girl clothes for the boy doll if that’s what n wants, and

“You’re gonna screw that kid up.”



Posted by: figgymommy | November 27, 2012

Because I’m *That* Parent

Who, when her daughter says, “when I’m a big boy, I’ll be able to pee standing up,” instead of just saying no, or sure, I spend 20 minutes deliberating on the various methods and difficulties of peeing while standing when you’re a biological female.


(luckily I didn’t bore said child with said deliberations. she probably just thinks I’m mental.)

Posted by: figgymommy | November 20, 2012

I’ve been cheating on you


I have been. I feel a bad – but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me.

I’ve been blogging… elsewhere.

Lesbian Family, to be precise.

That’s right – we’re trying again, and have an amazing team working to get and keep it going.

My first post was a cross-post, it’s true, but my two since have been new content. And yet, I haven’t posted here. That’s not my intention – I do hope to keep posting in both places. So don’t leave me! I’m certainly not going anywhere. I’m just also going to be . . . there. And I hope you’ll add it to your reader, and join along not just with me, but with the other awesome writers we’ve got contributing. Come check it out!

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